The Power of a Name

There’s a woman I think about when I think about this.

I walked into her room, said her name when I said hello, and she looked up differently than she had the day before when I’d just walked in and started talking. It’s hard to describe. Something in her face settled.

She told me later that people mostly came in and talked about what they were going to do, or what she needed, or what time it was. Not to her, really. Just in her direction.

What a name actually does

When you use someone’s name, you’re not proving you remembered it. You’re interrupting whatever transaction was about to happen and saying: I know who I’m talking to.

That matters more when a person is often referred to by their needs — their room number, their condition, their schedule. Their name carries everything that came before all of that. A whole life.

So start there. Ask what someone likes to be called. Some people go by something different from what’s on a chart. Say it when you arrive. Say it when you leave.

It’s a small thing to do. It’s also — based on what I’ve seen — not a small thing at all.